Bittersweet

Tuesdays are always bittersweet. Bitter due to the fact that I will not see my wife all day and night because of work and her Bible study. Sweet because I will be hanging out with a bunch of friends one week or hanging with just one friend the next. This Tuesday the bitter and the sweet seemed stronger than ever but for different reasons.

When I arrived at work on Tuesday morning I was informed that a man whom I deliver packages to regularly had taken his own life. I was totally shocked and saddened. A man who seemed to be so happy and by the worlds standards had it all, suddenly decided to end it all. But why? I heard what was believed to be the primary reason but who could know for certain all that he was battling. My mind flashed back to six months ago, when another man I knew personally chose the same ending. What pushed them to make that choice? This made Tuesday morning a little more bitter than the norm.

The day went on and by afternoon my thoughts began to focus on the friends/brothers that were going to be gathering in my basement that night. By about 6:45 they start pulling in the drive. One car after the other. That is when the SWEET part starts. We chat, pray and within minutes one of the new guys shares his testimony of a restored marriage, freedom from addictions and a radically changed life. So powerful and so encouraging. Great discussions follow and then another man shares some of his deepest, darkest, humiliating, lifelong struggles. Things that he has shared with VERY few others. What courage to share and to be transparent. He made himself to be totally vulnerable to another 12 men, two whom he had never met before the evening began. That takes guts. That takes a man. By sharing his battle with us, another brother shares that he has also struggled with this burden and has carried it and hid it within him his whole life. Suddenly two men realize that they are not alone. Not only that, they realize there are other men who love and accept them regardless of their weaknesses, struggles, sins, or burdens.

Then another brother shares how he had confessed his sins months earlier at our group and how God has been faithful to His word in lifting that heavy burden off his shoulders. He expressed how healing had begun and stated that as hard as he tried on his own, he never experienced the freedom that he now has. All of this made Tuesday night a little sweeter than the norm!

We need to bring these burdens, sins, struggles and weaknesses into the light, not hide them in the dark recesses of our lives. When we confess our sins to one another and when we share those struggles and burdens with one another satan looses any stronghold he might have. The enemy lies to us and tells us we won't be accepted and tells us that we are all alone in our battles. That is such a lie! Satan is a punk and he is a liar!

We all have something in the dark recesses of our lives. The most difficult thing is finding a place where we feel safe to share these things. I am thankful I have a place and even more thankful for the men who share my safe place and use it!

All day today my mind couldn't escape these questions. Did the men that took their lives have a safe place to share their struggles, their burdens, their sins, or their weaknesses? And if they didn't could their lives have been different if they did have that place?

My Wednesday was equally bittersweet.

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This really hit home for me. I just wanted to share it. Thank you Francis. You may visit his website at www.frangipane.org I always find some good food for thought there.

The Cup Part One: The Death of Ambition
by Francis Frangipane
(En Español)

When I first came to Christ, the Lord gave me a dream about my future. I thought that everything the Lord said was supposed to occur immediately; I didn't know of the work of preparation and dying to self, of learning patience and maintaining vision through testing, that would occur before God's promise would find fulfillment. Consequently, I was filled with ambition. Ambition is the first motive that arises in the spiritually immature. I was like the disciples who, a few days after Jesus' resurrection, were already asking, "Lord, is it at this time You are restoring the kingdom?" (Acts 1:6).

Ambition is very deceptive. It can seem just like obedience, yet because we don't truly know the Lord, the voice we find ourselves obeying is not God's, but our own. Our vision can actually be from God, but our motive be self. Consequently, where there is ambition, James tells us there will soon emerge "disorder and every evil thing" (James 3:16). Why? Because we begin thinking we can accomplish the will of God through the strength of man. We are seeking a breakthrough; God wants to give us brokenness.

The spiritually immature do not recognize their immaturity because they are immature. Thus, they become impatient, fearful and demanding. Because pride blinds the ambitious, we presume we are ready for greater assignments in God. In fact, we become a harder assignment for those who work with us, for our actions continually generate strife.

Ambition seeks to put to death what stands between it and spiritual fulfillment. Yet, it is ambition itself that must die to reach fulfillment. Webster's tells us that ambition is "an earnest desire for some type of achievement or distinction, as wealth or fame, and the willingness to strive for it." The word translated "ambition" in the NAS is rendered "strife" in the King James. Truly, ambition is a major cause for strife, church splits and conflicts within the church.

I thought having a promise from God was the same thing as receiving a commandment from God. I did not understand what I personally lacked in character or what I needed to attain concerning faithfulness, becoming a bond-servant, and possessing a grateful heart. These things needed to be worked in me before God would truly begin to fulfill His larger promises and opportunities. What I became for God was more important than what I did for Him.

Today, I am living in the spiritual substance of what was just a dream thirty-eight years ago. My ambitions have suffered greatly, yet my dreams are being fulfilled. While I have not yet arrived at the greatest aspects of my calling, I understand the difference between ambition and true leadership and it is this: Ministry is not a call to lead, but to die.

Every advance that I have made spiritually was preceded by an opportunity to die to self. The power in my life comes from where I have died to self and now live unto Christ.

Do you want to advance spiritually? The gateway to resurrection power is crucifixion. God will arrange opportunities for you to die to self. You must discern them. Dying to self and its ambition is the means of reaching true spiritual fulfillment. If you react to the opportunity to die with fleshly anger or resentment, you will fail to reach fulfillment. However, if you can maintain your vision even while your ambition dies, you will succeed.

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The Call To Die

Death has been on the forefront of my mind over the past week. As I age it begins to become more of a reality that I will not live in this physical body forever. The thought of my physical death made me think of the eternal life that has been given to my soul. As I thanked God for that life, I again realized that it took the death of Jesus for me to have eternal life. His death gives me life. Death brings life? It seems so strange to me when I think about it and I've been thinking about it alot lately.

Last Thursday night when I was writing my thoughts down about my lovely wife it hit me how she also had died to give me life. She had to put to death all the hurt, pain, anger, bitterness, and resentment that I had caused her to feel because of my sin. She died to all of that and allowed Christ's love to shine through her. This is the first time I ever experienced the love of God. As a result of her dying to herself I accepted Christ and received eternal life. Her death gives me life.

Last Friday I was thinking about all this and eating my lunch. It then hit me that the turkey in my sandwich died to give me life too. What is true in the spiritual world is also true in the physical! My mind then goes crazy about how all these things have to die to give me life. I thought of all my basic needs. I need food, shelter, clothing and love to live. It takes the death of an animal, plant or person for me to have all four. I know this is not real deep or a revolutionary discovery but I had never thought of it before.

I then begin to think about what had to die in order to bring life to the things that had to die to bring me life. I am so weird. I began to realize that it is a life cycle. Everything that is alive will die and as a result bring life to something else. The worm will die to give life to the fish.(you don't catch 'em all) The fish will die to give life to the fisherman. The fisherman will die and give life to the worms. See what I mean?

Seriously though, this made me think long and hard. How do I need to die so I can give life to someone else? What do I need to die to so I can really live? How can I be sure that when this physical body dies it will have given more life than it took?

This is another way I need to model Christ in my life. I need to live for the sole purpose of dying. I need to die so I may bring life to others. Jesus is our perfect example.