Bittersweet

Tuesdays are always bittersweet. Bitter due to the fact that I will not see my wife all day and night because of work and her Bible study. Sweet because I will be hanging out with a bunch of friends one week or hanging with just one friend the next. This Tuesday the bitter and the sweet seemed stronger than ever but for different reasons.

When I arrived at work on Tuesday morning I was informed that a man whom I deliver packages to regularly had taken his own life. I was totally shocked and saddened. A man who seemed to be so happy and by the worlds standards had it all, suddenly decided to end it all. But why? I heard what was believed to be the primary reason but who could know for certain all that he was battling. My mind flashed back to six months ago, when another man I knew personally chose the same ending. What pushed them to make that choice? This made Tuesday morning a little more bitter than the norm.

The day went on and by afternoon my thoughts began to focus on the friends/brothers that were going to be gathering in my basement that night. By about 6:45 they start pulling in the drive. One car after the other. That is when the SWEET part starts. We chat, pray and within minutes one of the new guys shares his testimony of a restored marriage, freedom from addictions and a radically changed life. So powerful and so encouraging. Great discussions follow and then another man shares some of his deepest, darkest, humiliating, lifelong struggles. Things that he has shared with VERY few others. What courage to share and to be transparent. He made himself to be totally vulnerable to another 12 men, two whom he had never met before the evening began. That takes guts. That takes a man. By sharing his battle with us, another brother shares that he has also struggled with this burden and has carried it and hid it within him his whole life. Suddenly two men realize that they are not alone. Not only that, they realize there are other men who love and accept them regardless of their weaknesses, struggles, sins, or burdens.

Then another brother shares how he had confessed his sins months earlier at our group and how God has been faithful to His word in lifting that heavy burden off his shoulders. He expressed how healing had begun and stated that as hard as he tried on his own, he never experienced the freedom that he now has. All of this made Tuesday night a little sweeter than the norm!

We need to bring these burdens, sins, struggles and weaknesses into the light, not hide them in the dark recesses of our lives. When we confess our sins to one another and when we share those struggles and burdens with one another satan looses any stronghold he might have. The enemy lies to us and tells us we won't be accepted and tells us that we are all alone in our battles. That is such a lie! Satan is a punk and he is a liar!

We all have something in the dark recesses of our lives. The most difficult thing is finding a place where we feel safe to share these things. I am thankful I have a place and even more thankful for the men who share my safe place and use it!

All day today my mind couldn't escape these questions. Did the men that took their lives have a safe place to share their struggles, their burdens, their sins, or their weaknesses? And if they didn't could their lives have been different if they did have that place?

My Wednesday was equally bittersweet.