Perfecting Love

Since recently becoming a grandpa I have realized how different it is from being a father. What was once unacceptable for my son will now be acceptable for my grandson. The rules were set in stone for my son. The rules are flexible with my grandson. My love is immeasurable for them both, but the relationship is different so therefore my love is expressed differently.

I believe many of us don't want a heavenly father.

We want a heavenly grandfather.

We want God to just love us in that soft, gentle way. We want God to give us whatever we want, whenever we ask for it. When we mess up we want him to chuckle and say, "That's ok, kids will be kids". We want God to always be happy with us even when we do what we have been told not to do. We want God to let us drive the truck before we have our license. We want God to let us win the race even though we haven't trained to do so. We want God to say, "Go ahead and play in the mud, I won't let you get in trouble". We want God to put money in our pockets without having to work for it. We want God to give us all the things we like even if they aren't good for us. We want God to give us the candy before we eat our vegetables. We want God to give us the credit, the glory and the praise for the fish that He caught. We want God to find no fault and give nothing but affirmation.

We don't want to be told no, we don't want to be disciplined, we don't want to suffer. We don't want firm boundaries even though they are there to protect us. We don't want to be told to do the tough things. We don't want to train to win. We don't want to be told, "You messed up so now there is a price to pay". We don't want tough love. We don't want to be told, "You will have to wait". We don't want to be forced to take responsibilities. We don't want to have to work for what we get. We don't want to be stretched beyond our comfort zone. We don't want our weaknesses exposed. We don't want to be held accountable or convicted of our sins.

Grandpa's love spoils. The Father's love perfects.

Trusted Friends

Trusting someone does not mean that we have thoroughly tested that person out and proved that they are trustworthy. Our trust is not based on proof but on a sense, or a instinct, or maybe a feeling. Trust comes from some experience of the other person. Most often trust grows in a relationship of mutual love. One in which we have loved and been loved by the other.

In my efforts to overcome lifelong struggles of insecurity, loneliness, and deep emotional wounding, I have been aided immeasurably by trusted and trusting friends who, with no ulterior motive, see something in me I can't see in myself. They don't just tell me, they relate to me in a way which shows me that I do have value, I do have something to offer, and that I am lovable.

Honesty with others and with ourselves is seldom found in the world or even in the church. To disclose dark secrets to another is risky business. People often sense that if I bare my soul, I will be abandoned by my friends and ridiculed by my enemies. It takes trust and true friendship to confess who you really are and what you are truly feeling and thinking.

But what means the most to me is if a word of correction is needed and the friend offers it directly. ACCOUNTABILITY. I need it! Big time! I admire a friend who has the courage to tell me something unpleasant but necessary - you know, something that others should tell me but don't. (I believe they don't for fear that I won't like them or that I will be angry with them. However they are doing me a huge disservice because they are more concerned with keeping me happy, or not hurting my feelings, than growing me spiritually. ) Just as I need trusted friends to reveal the positive attributes in my life that I don't see, I need them even more to reveal the negative attributes I don't see. It stings at first but when it comes from a trusted friend I know it's because they want whats best for me.

Proverbs 27:6 Wounds from a friend can be trusted, but an enemy multiplies kisses.

BECAUSE HE LOVES YOU

I am suffering from Emmaus hangover so while I try to organize my words please enjoy this video that a new, dear friend shared with me. Thanks Sam.

Hot Chicks, Bald Guys, and Cheesecake

On Friday night I was blessed with the opportunity to experience something that I had never experienced before. As a matter of fact, I had never even heard of this being done before. Nine of the eleven men who went on our men's retreat in January reunited to treat our wives to a special evening. We had a meal catered, (thanks to Norval), we had special musical guests, (thanks to Hagg), we had a short chick flick, (thanks to Rob Bell and Jeff Selph), and we wrapped up the evening by professing our love for our wives (thanks to God). One by one, each man stood up in front of the group and expressed his love for his wife in their own special way. Powerful stuff.

Our meal was wonderful. Our dessert was amazing. Go here for the best cheesecake ever! I promise you!

Our musical guests included Jeremy Sharp, who led worship at our retreat, and Amy Banbury, who made the yummy cheesecake. Both are blessed with God given talent and both understand what it means to worship through music and song.

Here is a picture of Jeremy in worship mode and blessing us with one of my favorites "You Said". It is such a blessing to see and hear a young man use his gifts to glorify God and bless others. He is also gifted intellectually as he is a mechanical engineering student at Ohio State. He also brought a special guest of his own. His girlfriend Shelby.

Amy made us all tear up when she sang Hillsong's "Healer". It is so powerful to hear her sing it because she has lived it. She knows it and she believes it. What a special moment for me personally. I don't understand why God chooses to heal some and not all but I believe He uses both the lives saved and the lives lost to draw us to himself. Amy is also gifted in many areas. Did I mention her cheesecake? or lemonbars? Sorry for the horrible picture but a tear might have gotten on the lens.

The video spoke on the female qualities of God that are often ignored or overlooked. It was Rob Bell as Rob Bell. Short, profound and deep if you want to go there. I didn't want to go there because I was already deep in thought about what was to come next.

I love these guys in the top picture. They are real, transparent, vulnerable. They are not afraid to share their weaknesses or failures. Any pride is always left behind when we gather. We share laughs, tears, hugs, and words like I love you. We are secure in our own masculinity even though we know we are broken and weak. God shines through our brokeness and our weaknesses.

One by one we poured our hearts out to our wives. Every man in his own way. Every man with his own style. God was displaying His creativity. No two men used the same words or ideas. I loved it. I believe the way every man expressed himself is the way every wife wanted to hear it. Straight from the heart. Some used songs that rang so true. Some gave flowers. Some got down on their knees. Some shed tears, some made us all laugh. Some even brought their business socks expecting their profession might have it's rewards. Some had a scroll that reached the floor and others only had a few words. Many made promises and I do believe all expressed thankfulness. Some asked for forgiveness, some gave it. Some said they were fearful but expressed themselves powerfully. Some shared about the mountains that were moved and the mountains that had to be climbed. We were all different but yet the same. We all love God and we all love our wives. We all fail miserably at showing and expressing it to them at times. But Friday night I pray we made God and all our brides smile by being the man they both want us to be.

I believe there is 186 years of marriage represented in this picture. Amazing. Take note. Not much hair in the back row but there sure is a bunch of beauty in the front. Click on it for a closer look.

(We put the self-proclaimed eye candy to the far left in the dark to make sure she didn't steal all the attention)

The Other Woman In My Life

Twenty-three years ago today I became a Daddy. Happy Birthday Punkin. Only God and my wife could create something so beautiful. I Love You. I miss you. I hope and pray somewhere in your heart you will always be Daddy's little girl. (sorry Shane) There are so many songs that make me think of you but this one is pretty much dead on. The only difference is the real goodbye didn't take place leaving for college. I had to let go last May when a young man stepped in between us at that alter. That was tough stuff. You made it much easier by choosing a man that loves the Lord and loves, honors and respects you. I couldn't have chosen a better one myself. May all your days be blessed. Happy birthday. I love you both.

My Pride & Joy

So glad my "Sweet Little Thang" is back by my side and awake. Could video 1 lead to video 2? :) She's gonna kill me when she sees this!

The Handsome One & The College Graduate

These two are the greatest earthly gifts God has given me. (My wife was born first so I would think He created me as a gift for her. Ha!)

They have taught me more than I ever taught them. Their opinion of me matters more than any other. When they say, "I love you Dad" it hits a spot in my soul that no one else could reach. Their words carry weight. I want them to be proud of their Dad. I want them to respect, admire, trust, and love me. The problem lies in the fact I didn't give them many reasons to feel these ways when they were growing up. I see the pain I caused in their lives as children and young adults. I've asked for forgiveness and they have given it, although I don't know if I can ever totally forgive myself. Unfortunately the scars will always remain. The scars in their lives and the scars in mine. Healing takes time and it's sometimes painful. How much is healed and how much remains I don't know. God is in charge of that. I believe He uses many people and situations in our lives to heal us.

God has used my children to continue to heal me. The very people I hurt using my own words and actions, are the people God is using to comfort and heal me. The letters, phone calls, text messages and e-mails. The hugs and the I love you. When they come from my children the are so powerful. They mean so much. I receive them and take them to heart. I have a voicemail from my son that I have saved since November 13, 2006. He just said he loved and missed me and had been thinking about me a lot lately. No other reason for the call. That means so much to me. I replay that message often. Especially on those dark days. I have letters from both of them telling me how much they love me. I read them often.

Recently I have been really struggling with some serious personal issues. I find it easy to get swallowed in the darkness of doubt and depression. Anger, bitterness, rage and resentment controlled me at times. My wife has encouraged me, supported me and prayed for me through all off this. She always has been there through all my issues in life. But when your child comes to comfort you and pray for you, something in the depths of your heart changes. It's as if your own little personal angel is pulling down a little piece of heaven for you. I could share many examples but here is a recent e-mail from my daughter.

Daddy,

I know that your spirit is heavy these days & I wish I could be there with you to encourage you daily & lighten your burdens. I do know, though, that the God of all Light and Goodness and Truth is faithful to us, even when we cannot feel His presence. He is with you and He is working in your life now just as much as He was when you were on a spiritual high. Even our feelings were corrupted by the fall & so they can be deceiving to us--regardless of how you feel, God is always good and always present and always loving. All things in your life have been sifted through His hands of love. I am praying for you even now—that He will comfort you, be your Prince of Peace, and place His mouth over your ears so that you might hear only His still small voice, whispering His promises to you. When you feel hopeless, like this blanket of despair may never be lifted, remember that Christ has already won the victory for you & that you will inherit all the riches of His grace, including a garment of praise. Joy and peace and hope are ahead. I love you, and I am very grateful for you. Keep holding on. I know it’s hard.

Jill

My children aren't gifts. They are my blessings. I love you guys so much. Thank you for loving me. Thank you God for sharing your blessings with me. I can only pray that my words and actions towards my children would bless them to the degree that theirs bless me.