Is It Worth It?

I went to prison again today for a visit. My wife and I drove an hour to get there only to find out you can't wear shorts in to visit. I was quite frustrated since the sign says no shorts above the knees and mine could cover my knees easily. Especially if I wear them like so many others. You know, with half my backside hanging out.

It was 10:35 and I couldn't get in until 11:30 even if I had pants on because they were going to do a count. So I told my wife, "It looks like we wasted our time and gas, we might as well head home." Of course, she being the brains for the both of us says, "We could just go to the nearest town, pick up some jeans and come back. Then it would be about the time you could go in." I replied, "Yeaaaaa! I was thinkin' that too." Not really, I was too ticked at the lady guard who was taking her authority a little too seriously.

It worked perfectly. I walked in through the first doors at about 11:45. I presented my ID to the guard and filled out the paperwork. I sat down and waited for my friends name to be called. At 12:15 his name was called. I went up to the desk, got my badge, empty my pockets, and walked through the metal detector. I then stood at the next door and waited until 12:35. I then proceed to the visitation area and report to the guard there. He assigns me a seat and I wait until 1:00 until my friend comes in.

We shake hands and hug. He talks. I listen. I talk . He listens. We share how we are feeling, what we are thinking. We talk about life in the cage and life outside the cage. We talk about God and his forgiveness no matter what we have done. He struggles to grasp it because in his mind his past defines who he is. I try to explain but my words seem to fail. The words of Martha Manning ring in my ear, "Unless you've been lost in this particular section of hell yourself, don't you dare try to give me directions." At 2:00 I tell him I need to go. After all I have left my beautiful bride out in the car for the past 2+ hours. I leave and we drive the hour drive back home.

We left home at 9:30. We get home at 3:00. Doubt creeps in. Am I just wasting my time? How many chances has he had? How many times has he blown it? Will he ever get it? Is there any hope that he will change? This is what the world says. This is what many who know him say. People have given up on him but I don't think God has. I'll keep writing. I'll keep visiting. I'll keep praying.

What if you were known for the worst thing you have ever done?


This gives me inspiration.

Hard Time

I went to prison Sunday. Just to visit. As I posted earlier on Feb. 19, I have a friend there.

As I was walking to the front gate I looked at the rolls of razor wire. I said to myself, "there is no way to escape this place without shedding some blood". As the guard buzzed me through the second door the first door slammed shut. It sent chills down my spine. My past flashed in front of my eyes. I thought of all of the things I did repeatedly that could have landed me here. The "not so friendly" state employee told me to get my ID and my birth certificate out. They sent me to a small office with a guard and went over the paperwork I sent in two weeks ago. He looked at the papers, looked at my ID, looked at me, looked at the papers. He was tapping his pen. I began to get nervous, like I was about to be locked up myself. After he was satisfied with what he saw, I had to wait until my friend's number was called. At that point, I had to go forward empty my pockets and go through the metal detectors. Once through that, there were two more steel doors to go through. Bang! Bang! I then had to walk to another building where the visitation would take place. I walked right along the inside of the fence. Razor wire. Rolls of it. I praised God as I walked, thanking Him that I was never in prison. I thought of Joseph and Paul and John and Peter. Great men of faith all imprisoned. In conditions far worse I'm sure.

I finally see my friend. We smile and hug. About 30 seconds of the "how ya doing thing" and he says," When I heard you sent in your papers to come visit, I immediately thought of that time you came to get me to go to church. I have had a lot of time to think and I have wondered if I would have kept going with you, if I might not be here today." He knew why I was coming. He knew what I was bringing. I didn't even have to bring it up. There was some great conversation. His biggest hangup is, "I don't think I deserve it". I told him he was right, none of us do. I explained grace. (Ephesians 2:8) I planted seeds. I told him I cared for him and I would be there for him. I want to spend time with him. I want to pour out everything I have within me, into him. But he has to want it. He has to receive it. It's his choice.

I believe the seeds I planted Sunday have fallen on better ground. I believe God has been busy plowing up that hard dirt. I pray God starts the germination process and allows me to care and nurture the seedling into a firmly rooted oak. A strong, tall, towering oak that will bear much fruit.

I spent nearly three hours in prison on Sunday. As I was leaving, walking past those rolls of razor wire, I again thanked God for my freedom. That's when it hit me. I realized I had served a good 30 years in a prison. A prison where the razor wire was drugs, alcohol, pornography, lies, and deception. A self-centered attitude full of bitterness, resentment, arrogance and most of all pride. There was no escaping that prison without shedding blood either. Blood was shed, but it wasn't mine. I walked free. I definitely don't deserve it. But Christ did it anyway. For me, and for you my friend. Thank you Jesus.

NO FEAR

I want to say that I'm not afraid of anything-but that isn't true. My biggest fear is insignificance. I'm afraid of living a life that doesn't matter. I'm afraid of leaving this earth just as I found it. I'm afraid of my life coming to an end and then realizing I haven't really been living.

When I say "really living" I don't mean having all this adventure, fun, fame and money. I don't think it has much to do with that. I believe living a significant life is filling your life full of things that will last forever. The stuff I mentioned before won't last forever. It will all be gone at the end of your life if not before.

What will last forever? Truth, grace, mercy, forgiveness, compassion. All things I love to receive but often struggle with handing out. As I look at them I realize they are all characteristics of the greatest one that I didn't list. Love. The source and perfect giver of all of these is of course God.

If I want to live a life of significance I need to fill it with these attitudes and actions. (Not doing so hot right now) Have I made someone else's life better? If so I have done something eternal. Therefore if I am living a life of significance there will be lots of people in my life. (Why am I avoiding new people?) People are the only part of this world that will last forever.

As I have typed this it has become obvious that I am not doing what is required to get what I desire. Yet I know what it is that is required to accomplish what I desire. So why don't I do what I know is required to accomplish my desires? Wow! I think I just read Romans 7:15-20 in the KMV.

Bottom line is if I want to live a life of significance I need to love others and do whatever I can to make their lives better by living in the image of Christ.