It's A Gift Not A Wound

Today was my day for solitude. I am beginning to discover, and believe to be true, that without solitude it is virtually impossible to live a spiritual life. If we truly believe that God not only exists but also is actively present and working in our lives, we need to set aside time and space to give God our undivided attention. Jesus says, "But you, when you pray, go into your inner room, close your door and pray to your Father who is in secret...".

In thinking about solitude, and the need for it, a couple of other words have kept coming to my mind. Aloneness and loneliness. As I continued to think on and about the differences and similarities of the words, I came to the conclusion that we are all alone. We all experience aloneness. It is a natural fact that no one else is just like me and no one else is just like you. We are unique. No one else feels or experiences the world the way I do. I am alone.

Now, how do we deal with our aloneness? Many people deal with it through loneliness. That simply means they experience aloneness as a wound, or something that hurts them and makes them miserable. Sometimes they are crying out hoping that someone else can help them and often others seem to run away not knowing what to say or do. When we are lonely we can also become clingy and that creates fear of being smothered or suffocated in others. This could include friends, spouses, family or just about anyone who has frequent interaction with us. Loneliness is one of the greatest sources of suffering today. I believe it is one of the greatest diseases of our time. I have been there and I experienced it as a dark spiral towards depression and despair. It seems to suck you in and it is very difficult to escape.

But, as followers of Christ, we are called to convert that loneliness to solitude. We must experience our aloneness not as a wound but as a gift. A gift given to us by God, so in our aloneness we can discover how deeply we are loved by him.

I believe it is where and when we are most alone, most unique, and most ourselves that God is closest to us. This is where we experience God as our loving Father who knows us better than we know ourselves.

If we accept our aloneness in this way, then out of our solitude we can reach out to others. We can come together in community because we don't cling to one another out of loneliness. If I find God in my solitude, and you find God in your solitude, then the same God can call us together and we can be friends. We can form a community, sustain a marriage, develop a friendship. We can be together without smothering and clinging to each other.

Embrace your aloneness, flee from loneliness, and accept the gift of solitude.