Beachballs Can Kill You

My life is a swimming pool. My addictions were a beachball. In the early years I was in the shallow end with a small beachball. There were not many people in my pool. My parents were divorced and distant. My brothers and my sister didn't live with me. The few friends I had were not all that close. So when someone was in my pool it wasn't that difficult to hide the beachball. I could just stand in front of it and they couldn't see it.

As I grew my addictions grew. I started getting in deeper water and my beachball got larger. It became more difficult to hide but most of the people I let in my pool liked my beachball and I didn't have to hide it from them. They in fact helped me to hide it sometimes.

By the time I was in high school I could barely touch bottom, I was moving to the deep end, and my beachball was becoming larger. I could no longer just stand in front of it to hide it. I had to hold it underwater. My future wife had just tested the water in my pool but didn't see the beachball at first. As she ventured deeper she began to see glimpses of the addictions. As time went on I let the beachball slip from my hands and it popped up out of the water. I told her I just played around with it sometimes but I had the ball under control.

After marriage I couldn't touch bottom any longer and hiding it took more and more energy. When I let the ball slip it shot up higher and higher in the air and made bigger and bigger splashes and ripples. It got to the point where the beachball was bigger than me and I had to take it to the bottom of the pool to hide it and I couldn't hide it long because I couldn't breathe. I needed help, but I was so sure I could do it on my own. I fought and struggled until I was exhausted and about to drown... JESUS.

Jesus came into my pool and stretched out his hand and said, " Give it to me." He took my beachball and simply let the air out. Now it is buried at the bottom of my pool. Now instead of holding on to that beachball I am holding on to Jesus.

I pray I never stand in front of Jesus. I pray Jesus becomes bigger and bigger in my life. I pray I will never try to hide Him.

Sometimes I feel like I talk about my past too much. People have said things indirectly about focusing and glorifying past sins and addictions. There is absolutely no glory in the bondage I was in. But I never want to forget where I came from. I never want to forget what Jesus did for me then. It amazes me even more today as I view my situation with 6 years hindsight. God continues to write my story and I stand in awe. What He is asking of me now seems impossible. I love it when God asks me to do things that I know I can't do on my own! I am excited to know that, Lord willing, in 6 years I will be writing about what God is doing in my life this very moment. I will still be in amazement and awe.