Home Sweet Home

On Sunday January 12, 2003 I walked through the doors of this place and my life has never been the same. It was a small little brick building on a corner lot, in a small rural town. It had blue, coffee stained carpet and off-white walls. It had chairs crammed together so tight we broke the fire code. The soundboard was in the belfry and you had to wiggle and tape wires in hopes of getting any kind of audio or video. The children's ministry was in the basement and it was a minimum 10 minute wait to drop off or pick up a child. There were lines that stretched out to the street 30 minutes before service, while the worship team made their final tweaks. It was far from a picture of perfection but no one seemed to care. Lives were being radically changed and the church was being the church.

I was being transformed from a lost addict to a new found believer. From a believer to a committed follower of Christ. A radical transformation that many who knew me still don't fully understand. (Not that I haven't tried to explain) I am just one of the many stories of restoration, healing and forgiveness that took place in the early years. God blessed that place with amazing people. From staff to volunteers this place amazes me. I began serving with great passion. I was so hungry to learn and serve. I was there every chance I could. I had a passion for God and for his people. I made so many new friends. It was a spiritual mountaintop for quite sometime. I was even asked to be a part of the leadership team by being an elder apprentice. I learned and grew so much. The church body was doing the same. Space continued to be an issue and we, as a congregation, voted to move forward with a building project.

Excitement was high as we moved through that season. So many committed and pledged to help finance the building. The building went up and the excitement peaked as we made the transition. Finally room to move and grow. The church grew in square footage but with that came the need for more committed servants and givers. From my perspective that didn't happen. The excitement and passion became more like dread and labor. I became tired and frustrated. I became selfish and self-centered. It became about me. Things were happening and decisions were being made that I didn't fully understand. As a result of being tired and frustrated I stepped down from serving in all capacities including my apprenticeship on the elder board. I felt like I just needed a season of rest. As time went on I felt as if God was saying you are done here. I fought it for quite sometime. I did not want to leave that place. New Hope was the only spiritual home I ever had. The people were no longer friends, they were family. I loved them, staff, elders, ministry leaders, volunteers, congregation, all of them. I should be saying we because my wife was battling through this with me. We prayed and prayed and wrestled with God through this and finally came to the conclusion that we needed to step away. We had no idea where we were to go or what God was going to do. We searched and searched for nearly a year. We cried out to God to give us direction, to give us a church home. It never happened. It was a very difficult year for us. I know personally I felt so unsettled, uncomfortable, and discontented. I felt like God called us out and then deserted us. I felt disconnected from God, my New Hope family and even myself. I was very lonely. The valley was very deep and very dark. Had I not had my best friend by my side I have doubts that I would have survived spiritually. Satan loves to kick you when you're down and he showed up to throw some dirt on top of it all. Again I was tired of the war we were fighting and needed God to show up somewhere, somehow.

Not having a church home is a very dangerous place to be. We decided we were going to go back to New Hope since God had not given us a place to call home. It was uncomfortable and unfamiliar at first. There were awkward moments and times when I felt loved and welcomed and times when I felt despised and rejected. As I look back I realize I didn't communicate with others very well our reason for leaving. As a result I created fertile ground for feelings of betrayal, disloyalty, bitterness, resentment and doubt. For that I apologize to God and my church family. As time has passed it is beginning to feel like home again. Many relationships are beginning to heal and several new ones are forming.

New Hope is in a very difficult season right now. When God calls your founding pastor to a new journey the transition is often difficult. Add to that the financial issues that have to be dealt with and you get the perfect ingredients for another God sized miracle. After hearing of further staff cuts and the bleak financial situation my heart has been set afire once again for God's church. It's time for me to get off my butt and make a difference. I see God moving in this place and I want to be a part of it. I find it quite ironic that a small child pulled the fire alarm as people were leaving church today. Could God have been speaking to him in a similar manner that He spoke to me? Maybe God told that little fellow to pull that lever because some of the people in there need to wake up, get off their butts and grab a bucket! Okay God, I got the message. Both times.